Honest and Ashamed

This  post is not what I initially set out to write. Something happened today that has caused me to shift my views and take a long hard look at myself.

For quite awhile now I have wanted (italicised due to the importance of this word) a MacBook Pro. Since I started blogging and getting all creative I felt like it would make me a serious writer and hipster. All the cool kids have one. So I wanted one too. ( Just to go off track a teensy tiny bit here, that is usually how I roll with things that I want. I want something, so I get it. I'm quite impulsive like that. Buy now, think later. It's not a good trait at all, and since meeting my partner I have kerbed my impulsiveness, but it doesn't stop me wanting something.  And now I am not in control of the budget at all, a very very wise move.)

Back to the MacBook Pro. I have been nagging at my partner to get me one. I couldn't get it myself you see, because that would be terribly selfish of me. New baby, bills and debts to pay - there is no way I could go and spend $1500 on a computer for myself.  Especially when we already have a great laptop, as well as an iPad (which I wanted too), and don't get me wrong I use it all the time, but now I want something else. Both of those are perfectly fine for the blogging I do, and given that I have just started they will easily do the job until I start to get a little more serious.  But if it was bought for me as a gift, then I would feel no guilt - and still get what I want.

I even tried to convince my partner to get me one today, to surprise me when I got home. I then started getting excited, thinking that she might actually get it for me. I started imagining sitting at the table at home and playing around on it. Mine. All for me. Sheesh, what a flog.

So when I realised that I wasn't getting it, even as a surprise, I felt really disappointed. I have all the logic in my head - it's expensive, I can blog without it, we have other debts to pay. But I can't help how I feel. And I felt it so strongly. I don't need one, I want one.

Something snapped me out of this deluded fantasy over a computer. A freakin' computer. Yes it would be great to have, I know that, but life would continue without it. It's a thing. Just something tangible.

I was checking Facebook to distract myself from the bitter disappointment I felt (cringe) and I saw a picture that a friend had shared from the Boston bombings on my news feed. You might have seen it, it's all over the news. It's of a guy who was running for charity and lost both of his legs in the blast. The uncut picture is very graphic and I happened to see it.

It's a good thing I did. It snapped me back from being a douche bag  Here I was, wanting a computer, when this guy can possibly never walk again.

It put things into perspective and made me take a long hard look at myself. How pathetic I am. I know that life sometimes deals us curve balls and everyone goes through things, but it's time I start appreciating what I have instead of wishing for more. Be thankful and grateful that I can wake up everyday with a roof over my head, kiss the people I hold dear and breathe. So what if I don't get another computer. Is it really that important? The disappointment I was feeling was gone. My chest started hurting and I felt terribly upset. I was guilty. Not guilty for wanting it really, but guilty because I was so upset that I wasn't getting it.

Time to re-evaluate and focus on nothing but positive things. As embarrassed and ashamed as I am about my desire for something trivial and disappointment at not getting what I want, I needed to share this because sometimes we all need to take some perspective on things. We need to appreciate the little things more, and what we have. And be thankful.

I know I am. I'm thankful that I can walk everyday - and thankful that the man in the picture had people supporting him and getting him to safety. I feel so sad about the bombings, but my happiness for the people that have helped others when they didn't have to and therefore put themselves in danger way outweighs that. Focus on the good things. Of course it is perfectly fine to be upset, in fact you need to get it out to deal with things. Then you need to pick yourself up and focus on what's good in this world. Focus on the good things in your life. Some people are bad, but more people are good.  And it's the goodness in people that makes this world such a brilliant place.

Sorry for the rant and the seriousness, but part of this whole blogging process is to be honest and put myself out there. It's to make me become a better person and I feel that this is a big step forward. It's ok to want things, everyone does. But the learning curve was more about HOW upset I got when I didn't get what I want. That is what I am going to change. Starting now.

To everyone involved in the Boston bombings, my thoughts are with you.

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Soul Music

I love music. I don't really care for heavy metal music, but apart from that I will listen to almost anything once. And if I don't like it then I can at least say I tried, and everyone is different. I really like songs I can sing to, which might not be a good thing for others, but I enjoy it!  I seem to have an uncanny ability to remember song lyrics to most songs I hear. I only need to hear them once or twice and I seem to be able to sing them. And I don't really forget them....I don't know how I do it.  I think that skill shows how much music really means to me.

I think my love of music came from my Dad, when we were growing up we would listen to music at nights rather than have the TV on. All different types. I blame him for my eclectic music tastes - he loved most genres too so we got exposed to quite an array.

Even now if I'm home the TV is off and the music is playing. Since his passing, I will often listen to songs that I listened to with him - they bring back so many memories.

Why is music so good for the soul? There is quote by the rapper Frank Ocean that I think sums it up:

'When you're happy you enjoy the music, when you're sad you understand the lyrics.'

It's so true. Music has a way of touching us no matter what the situation. It can get you boogying on a dance floor, get you through a break up, give you strength when you need it, get across a message that you otherwise couldn't, and bring people together. It really is such a powerful communication tool. It can have such impact, it can make you laugh, cry, hurt, heal and find strength when you needed it.

And so brings me to the point of this post.

A friend of mine asked me the other day:

If you had to choose a song to describe your life, an anthem, what would you choose?


I was pretty much floored. Like I said above, I like most types of music and therefore my music collection is quite extensive. So to choose one was beyond difficult.

I tried so hard to find just one, and  I couldn't do it. And then I thought that I didn't want to choose only one song.  So I decided that I would choose songs to reflect certain times or things in my life, after all our lives change so much so why shouldn't our anthems too?

So far I have come up with three, that mean something to me. They either reflect how I feel now, or how I have felt at some stage.

They are:

  • Songbird - Eva Cassidy
  • Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
  • What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

That's the three so far....there will be more to come no doubt, depending on what life decides to give me!  I also think I might add songs that I have memories about, either good or bad.  I think once I have a few more I am going to create a playlist so that I can listen to them all at once. Hopefully it's a good experience, I am looking forward to seeing how they all make me feel! Kind of like a musical photo album! 

Why don't you give it a go? Think of an anthem (or three, forty or six hundred and eleven!) It's your life, they're your anthems and you can have as many as you like!

I'd love to hear them

Keep smiling! 


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When Creativity hits...

I usually think of a post idea at the least opportune time. Like when it's 11 o'clock and I really have to go to sleep in order to function as some sort of human the next day. Or when I am on the treadmill and my mind is wandering. As well as my mind being completely inconsiderate by thinking great thoughts at the wrong times, it's also a tad forgetful. So not only do I think these things, I promptly forget them.

Something great can be in my mind one minute, then gone the next. Given that I am only 31 (32 soon - eeek) I doubt it's my memory failing me - so I have taken to keeping a notebook* on me all the time to record these thoughts as soon as they pop into my head. In case you are wondering, it's in my gym bag when I am on the treadmill. Promise. It's handy and so good to go back and reflect on what I was thinking at a certain point in time.  As I work full time, I can't post right when I think of something. I usually post in my lunch break, like I am now.

Not everything that I think of is worthy of a post, but it shows me just how amazing our minds are. Even just to look back in time. And I have found that now that I know I can put my thoughts down on paper, I am thinking more freely.  I am not sure why it has happened exactly. But it has, and I freakin love it.  I mind map too....I think the process of drawing helps the creativity. Plus I love playing with different colours. I still have my complete set of 72 Derwent pencils I had when I was 14, which may explain this. It may not be the case for absolutely everyone, but it definitely brings out my creativity.

I have also found that by writing things down more, I am more positive. I am appreciating what my mind can do and how powerful it is. I am no longer cursing myself for forgetting something, I am reading my little notebook and smiling. Giving myself credit and getting excited at what lays ahead and where my thoughts will take me.  And I believe that these positive thoughts create more positive thoughts and the flow on effect is ace!

You don't have to have a blog to do this, I think it's still a great idea. Unless you have a brilliant memory and can remember everything. And if that's you, well you are definitely one of the lucky ones. Yay for you! If not, then give it a shot - I hope you find it as helpful as I do.

Keep smiling!

* I say notebook, but of course it can be some sort of device also. A laptop, iPad etc. I just like notebooks because I more mind map my ideas, but it really doesn't matter.....and for some of you it might be easier to read on a screen rather than having to decipher your own handwriting!

My notebook: (not as many colours as I usually do - but a perfect example of what I mean)

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I'm back!

I'm not too sure if a blog can be rebranded if there have only been 7 posts....but I decided to do it anyway.

After a brief hiatus I'm back and rearing to go! Bring on the posts.

I am now looking at writing more about the beauty of life in general, so I decided that A Spectacular Life as a title seemed a little more appropriate and welcoming.
So welcome!
I wish all of you A Spectacular Life, and I hope you enjoy my posts about my journey to achieve that myself. So often we take things for granted and dwell on the trivial rather than focusing on the things we should be thankful for.
Do something you love every day.
I will be back soon with more info on living a spectacular life.

Stay smiling.

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