Out of the Closet....in a way - kinda.

I was never really in the closet.
I kinda just fell into my life now, after a few crazy messed up choices led me there. I was on a path of self destruction and I succeeded, if I'm honest.  I lost who I was as a person.

I hurt people, lied and put some friends in super hard positions.  For awhile there, life kinda sucked and I was super down wondering how the hell I was going to move forward.

BUT.......I came to realise that if I had not gone down that path then I wouldn't be here now.

Married (of course not legally - DO NOT get me started!) to an amazing woman.
Mother to a beautiful gorgeous baby girl that lights up my world.
Honest in every aspect of my life now.

Most of all - HAPPY.

So how did I get here? I have no freakin idea.

I never set out to be......a lesbian. Not that I call myself that, but I know that others use the word to describe me. I prefer gay, but even then it's not like I introduce myself to people:

"Hi, I'm Nic and I'm gay. Yep, a lezzo."

To me, my life is just as normal as anyone else's, straight, gay or whatever.
I love someone that loves me, and I want to be with that person for the rest of my life.
The fact that she is a woman does not factor in anything at all. Love is love to me.

I was super lucky in that my family are beyond amazing with the situation. My mum didn't bat an eyelid, she was just happy as long as I was happy. And it was obvious to her that I was. To see her with her granddaughter makes my heart swell, and I am happy that I could give her that joy.

The rest of my family were the same, as well as all my friends. They could see that I was happy, after seeing me heading towards rock bottom.  Some friendships were challenged, and some haven't recovered so well but that is to be expected. Of course I don't like it but I have to deal with it.

So all in all, I am one of the lucky ones. Some people aren't as lucky as me, and it breaks my heart. I can't imagine how I would have been if I didn't have as much support as I had, and still get. Especially now that we have our baby, it overwhelms me. I have brilliant people in my life and I don't ever want to take that for granted again.

So in terms of my 'coming out' story - that's it. I wasn't ever in there, so I never really came out. But my path to get here wasn't easy and was shithouse at times.

I wouldn't change it for the world, because everything happens for a reason and I am right where I need to be.

Keep smiling


At November 4, 2013 at 1:46 PM , Anonymous Che // The Polka Dot Flamingo said...

Love it Nic. This is such an important message for people to be educated about. It makes me happy to meet people who are sure of their identity and who they are in the world. Lovely. X


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