Out of the Closet....in a way - kinda.

I was never really in the closet.
I kinda just fell into my life now, after a few crazy messed up choices led me there. I was on a path of self destruction and I succeeded, if I'm honest.  I lost who I was as a person.

I hurt people, lied and put some friends in super hard positions.  For awhile there, life kinda sucked and I was super down wondering how the hell I was going to move forward.

BUT.......I came to realise that if I had not gone down that path then I wouldn't be here now.

Married (of course not legally - DO NOT get me started!) to an amazing woman.
Mother to a beautiful gorgeous baby girl that lights up my world.
Honest in every aspect of my life now.
Settled.

Most of all - HAPPY.

So how did I get here? I have no freakin idea.

I never set out to be......a lesbian. Not that I call myself that, but I know that others use the word to describe me. I prefer gay, but even then it's not like I introduce myself to people:

"Hi, I'm Nic and I'm gay. Yep, a lezzo."

To me, my life is just as normal as anyone else's, straight, gay or whatever.
I love someone that loves me, and I want to be with that person for the rest of my life.
The fact that she is a woman does not factor in anything at all. Love is love to me.

I was super lucky in that my family are beyond amazing with the situation. My mum didn't bat an eyelid, she was just happy as long as I was happy. And it was obvious to her that I was. To see her with her granddaughter makes my heart swell, and I am happy that I could give her that joy.

The rest of my family were the same, as well as all my friends. They could see that I was happy, after seeing me heading towards rock bottom.  Some friendships were challenged, and some haven't recovered so well but that is to be expected. Of course I don't like it but I have to deal with it.

So all in all, I am one of the lucky ones. Some people aren't as lucky as me, and it breaks my heart. I can't imagine how I would have been if I didn't have as much support as I had, and still get. Especially now that we have our baby, it overwhelms me. I have brilliant people in my life and I don't ever want to take that for granted again.

So in terms of my 'coming out' story - that's it. I wasn't ever in there, so I never really came out. But my path to get here wasn't easy and was shithouse at times.

I wouldn't change it for the world, because everything happens for a reason and I am right where I need to be.

Keep smiling
xx